


Coming Home

by brokenfannibal_art (broken_fannibal), madsmeetsmisha



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, Best Friends, Collaboration, Community: pod_together, Don't copy to another site, Embedded Audio, First Kiss, I don't give permission to show this fic on any other site or app than AO3 or wattpad, M/M, Matchmaker Hunith, Matchmaker Morgana, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Podfic & Podficced Works, Podfic Length: 20-30 Minutes, singer merlin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2019-08-31
Packaged: 2020-06-25 22:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19755019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broken_fannibal/pseuds/brokenfannibal_art, https://archiveofourown.org/users/madsmeetsmisha/pseuds/madsmeetsmisha
Summary: Merlin and Arthur used to be best friends until Merlin made the enormous mistake of confessing his true feelings to the other boy. Arthur not only avoided him afterwards but also made fun of him. Now, after eight years where he tried to forget his former best friends, Merlin was about to meet Arthur again...





	Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is my one-shot for Pod_Together 2019 and broken_fannibal read the podfic. We are super excited to share this with you! ^.^  
> (I don't give permission to show this fic on any other site or app than AO3 or wattpad)

[download mp3 here](http://www.mediafire.com/file/lok1qjhoizs4i04/coming_home_-_written_by_madsmeetsmischa.mp3/file)

* * *

It felt strange to be back after such a long time and it was almost absurd that so little had changed. The city was vibrant and modern on the one hand but still with a traditional old core. Just like Merlin remembered it. Maybe this was one of the things he missed in America. He loved his villa in Malibu, the beach, the sunny weather.

And yet, something was missing. For quite some time he had been thinking about returning to England now. Once again he realized that he had been home far too rarely for the last eight years. It was sad that it took such a sad occasion like the heart-attack of his uncle Gaius to bring him back to his hometown. After Hunith had called him two days ago in total disarray and told him about Gaius poor state of health, Merlin left everything behind and immediately booked a flight.

Through the windscreen of his rental car, he looked up to the old castle. It had always fascinated him to know that here, where he sat in his car as he waited at a red traffic light, battles were probably fought in the past - battles fought by knights that had already lived in the castle ages ago. If he was honest with himself he had to admit that the constant sunshine in California got on his nerves. He missed the rain and the windstorms in autumn, even if this had to sound weird to other people. Deep in his heart, he was still an Englishman. Leeds would remain his home forever. No matter how long he lived in Malibu.

Maybe he could find a house on the outskirts of town and set up a recording studio there. Of course, he would have to fly to the US sometimes, but with every minute he drove through the streets of his hometown, he became more aware of how much he missed England.

Another advantage would be that he wasn't as well known here as he was in America. There he would never have dared to drive around in a rental car without a bodyguard. This was less because of the fact that he was a musician because although his songs were always in the Billboard charts, they rarely achieved very high placings. His music probably wasn't mainstream enough for that.

His popularity was due to the fact that he dated Will Kanen for over two years. Will was the guitarist of the Black Nights. And the Black Knights were always topping the charts with every newly released single. Naturally, his relationship with Will called paparazzi on the plan. But to his big surprise when his relationship with Will ended half a year ago, the media interest in him didn't stop. For some reason, people still seemed to be curious how his love life went on.

Being in the spotlights always had been a bit weird for Merlin. He loved making music and of course, he wanted people to listen to it but he never felt really comfortable when everyone was looking at him. Writing music or recording it in a studio was one thing but performing on a stage was something completely different. It was exhausting! And if he was honest, it was less and less satisfying every time he performed on a stage. That was another reason why he sometimes thought it would be better to be a songwriter than a singer. He was sure that he could earn his living that way as well. So this trip to England was perhaps more than just a visit under sad circumstances. Maybe it was the beginning of a new future back in England.

When he turned into the street to his mother's house ten minutes later, he took a deep breath. Thousands of memories immediately overwhelmed his mind. It has been eight years since he left England behind to start over in America and become a musician trying to forget the one man who was once the most important person in his life besides his family.

***

“Merlin! It's so good to see you again. You should come home more often, son." Hunith welcomed him with a firm embrace.

“Yeah, Mom. I know. And I'm sorry. It's terrible that Uncle Gaius had to have a heart attack for me to come here.” Merlin replied.

Damn it. He really needed to change his life. When did work become more important than his family?

Regretfully, he squeezed her.

"Merlin, it's ok. Nobody knew this would happen. The heart attack came as a surprise to all of us. But it's good you are here now. Gaius knows you had to work hard for your success. That's why he was never angry if you couldn't visit." Soothingly, she stroked his head.

"I know," Merlin sighed. "But it still feels wrong that I've rarely been here. I intend to change that in the near future."

Surprised his mother looked at him.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I am thinking about coming back," Merlin explained.

Hunith beamed at him.

"Really? Oh, Merlin that would be fantastic! Listen, I know we never talked about it and it's been a long time, but I'm well aware why you left the country so quickly eight years ago. And I understand. It's just. . . maybe you should just get over it. I don't know what happened between you and Arthur but he was your best friend...”

For a brief moment, Merlin closed his eyes and sighed.

Arthur. He had avoided even thinking about him for the last eight years. Which wasn't always easy. But with time, it got better. He and Arthur were best friends since the first day of school. Until Merlin made the biggest mistake of his life and confessed that he wanted more from Arthur than just friendship. That was the worst day of his life. In retrospect, he knew that it was insane to tell Arthur the truth. What did he expect? That Arthur would have returned his feelings? Ridiculous. His best friend was the straightest man he ever knew. Of course, it had to end in a disaster.

"He still brings me pink roses on my birthday you know. And he's coming over for Christmas. He asks about you every time, Merlin. I think he still misses you. After all these years. And I really wish you could talk to him and fix things."

Merlin sighed. Of course, he knew she was right. It was so long ago. It really was time to forgive Arthur.

"By the way, I invited Arthur and Morgana to dinner with us tonight," Hunith confessed.

"You what? Mom!"

Fuck! He wasn't prepared to meet Arthur.

"Don't you think it's a little callous to give dinner when Uncle Gaius is in the hospital?"

"No, on the contrary, my boy! It's your uncle's idea. He always wanted you to move back here one day. And I think reconciliation with Arthur would be the first step in that direction.” 

Merlin was aware that he wouldn't have a chance to avoid dinner.

Fuck! He was so not ready for this!

It was astonishing how much effort Hunith had put into having dinner with Arthur and Morgana. But somehow it made sense. His mother wanted to distract herself from the concern for Gaius and also she wanted Merlin and Arthur to reconcile. Merlin and his mother had spent the whole afternoon with Gaius at the hospital. Thank God his uncle was getting better. The doctor promised that he was going to be all right. However, he would have to change his lifestyle from now on. No more red meat, no cigarettes, no alcohol and above all much less work. That certainly wouldn't be easy for Gaius.

But Merlin was just happy that his uncle was going to be okay. And he was sure that his mother would make sure that her brother would take the doctor's warnings seriously.

The doorbell interrupted his thoughts. Immediately, Merlin's heart started to beat uncontrollably fast in his chest. Oh, God! After all this time, he'd be facing Arthur in a few moments. Once again he took a deep breath and looked at himself in the mirror. Hunith had insisted that he put some effort into his outfit tonight. So he decided to wear a light grey shirt. He only wore shirts to music awards or official events like that.

Otherwise, luckily, nobody expected a musician to wear anything other than T-shirts. He rolled up the sleeves so that his tattooed forearms could be seen. For some abstruse reason, it was important to him to show them. He had decided to just put on a black pair of tight-fitting jeans. He felt a little too overdressed but one last look in the mirror convinced him he looked good enough. Merlin cursed that he was so nervous, but the last time he spoke to Arthur was over eight years ago and it was still painful to think about it. But somehow he'd survive tonight. If he was lucky. Merlin would do his best. Even though Arthur had hurt him very bad back then, it was a long time ago. By now they were both adults. Merlin had some relationships behind him and Arthur was even married. So it should be possible to behave like two grown-ups. Fortunately, Morgana was there too. Merlin had always liked her. Worst case scenario, he'd talk to her all night.

Determined to appear as normal as possible, he walked down the stairs into the entrance hall. Arthur and Morgana were already there and Hunith had just taken their coats. And fuck. Merlin almost tripped over a step. Nothing had changed. Not Arthur's look, not his charm but especially not Merlin's feelings for the man. Shit! He reacted to Arthur the same way he did eight years ago. His palms began to sweat, his mouth became dry and his heart hammered like crazy in his chest. Arthur noticed his arrival. With his eyes wide open, he looked at him.

"Merlin!"; he said. For a moment, Merlin thought Arthur would hug him. But after staring at him for a while, Arthur cleared his throat and stretched out a hand to greet him.

"It's so good to see you again, Merlin." The other man said and let his gaze wander over Merlin.

"Yeah, it's good to see you, too, Arthur." Merlin replied. During the last eight years, he had more or less successfully managed not to think about Arthur anymore. But now everything was back. All his feelings for his former best friend rushed through him again and Merlin felt like he was drowning. He hated the helpless feeling of standing in front of Arthur and not being allowed to touch him. But he ignored his inner turmoil and turned to Morgana.

Warmly, she smiled at him.

"Merlin! It's been way too long. Come here. I have to hug you."

Gladly Merlin obeyed and embraced her. From the corner of his eye he saw Arthur's disappointed look. Why was the other man disappointed? Merlin decided not to think any further.

A short time later they all sat in the dining room and ate Hunith's famous lasagna. It had always been Arthur's favourite dish. His mother had also made a lemon cake for dessert.

"Oh, God!" Arthur moaned as he took the first bite and Merlin had a very hard time to stop his thoughts from taking dangerous paths. Damn it. It should be illegal to make such pornographic noises while eating.

"Hunith, I don't know how you do it, but your lasagna is really the best food in the world." Grinning with satisfaction, Arthur shoved a new bite into his mouth and Merlin felt transported back to the time when they were best friends and Arthur had lunch with them almost every Saturday. A stabbing pain ran through him and he felt his eyes starting to burn.

"Merlin, tell me, how is it to be a famous musician. Is it how you always imagined it to be?" He could have kissed Morgana. Her question came just in time to distract him.

"I don't think I'm that famous. But I'm fine. Thank you for asking Morgana," he replied and took a sip of the Italian red wine that Hunith had bought for the evening.

"Oh, a little birdie told me, that your concerts are always sold out very quickly. So I think you have to be kind of famous" Morgana said with a mysterious smile on her face.

Merlin had to laugh.

"Yes, my concerts are going well. What little birdie told you that?"; he wanted to know.

"Oh, let's say I have a friend who has made it his life's goal to attend as many concerts of yours as possible." She answered cryptically.

"How nice. Is it someone from England? Someone from Leeds?"

"Yes, you could say that."

Merlin found her way of answering a little strange, but it was Morgana he was talking to. She's always been weird. In a good way, though.

"You know someone from here who often attends my concerts in America? Wow, I'm impressed. You should introduce me to this person once. I love passionate fans." Merlin suggested.

Morgana grinned and Arthur coughed. Apparently, he choked on a bite of the lasagne.

"Yes, I suppose I should, Merlin. And passionate is certainly a very fitting word for my friend." An amused smile was on her lips as she patted Arthur, who was still coughing, on the back.

"Will you stay here for long?"; she wanted to know after a few moments of silence.

"No, just until Gaius gets better. But I'm thinking about moving all the way back here." Merlin confessed.

Arthur's looked up in surprise.

"You're coming back?"

Did Arthur’s voice sound hopeful? Merlin wasn't sure.

"Yes, I think it's time to return. To be honest, I miss the rain and the wind." Merlin answered.

"You miss the English weather? Oh, God, Merlin. I always knew you were insane. Who misses the English weather? You live in Malibu! What the heck is wrong with you?" Morgana wanted to know.

"I... I don't know. Sunshine all day can really get on your nerves after some time." Merlin said and shrugged his shoulders.

Merlin automatically looked at Arthur. He was poking around in his lasagna. It was clear there was something on his mind.

After a few moments, he suddenly lifted his head and looked Merlin straight in the eye.

"Is your boyfriend coming with you?" he wanted to know.

His boyfriend? Who was Arthur talking about? Certainly, even people in England knew that he broke up with Will.

"Will and I broke up over half a year ago. . . " Merlin explained.

"No, I am not talking about Will Kanen. I mean the young man you've been seen with lately." Arthur explained blushing furiously.

What the hell? Arthur had to mean Mordred.

"Do you mean Mordred? Mordred and I aren't together. We went on a few dates. That' all. How do you even know about this? I'm sure that was mainly an issue in the American press." Merlin was really surprised.

"Oh, you sweet, innocent Merlin. You have no idea what kind of stalker my brother has become. Of course, he searched the Internet for everything about you. By the way, he's the friend who flies to all your concerts if it's possible for him." Morgana reported.

Merlin could only stare at, with an open mouth. What? His brain wasn't able to process the information.

"Why would Arthur do that?" he asked.

Confused, he looked from Morgana to Arthur. His former best friend had pressed his lips together and looked at his plate. Merlin felt like he didn't understand the full extent of this conversation.

"Morgana!" Arthur groaned. He was as white as a sheet now.

"No, don't Morgana me! I've had enough of your pining, Arthur. Now it's finally time to end this. Merlin, do you know why Arthur got divorced?"

Divorced? Merlin could only shake his head. He didn't even know Arthur was divorced. Not to mention why.

"Gwen had had enough after two years. She gave him a choice. You or her. And he chose you." Morgana explained matter of factly.

Merlin didn't understand what she was talking about. How could Arthur choose between him and his wife? What the hell was this supposed to mean? He felt like his brain was being twisted into knots.

"I don't understand. . . "

"Gwen wanted Arthur to stop being so obsessed with you. She wanted him to stop attending your concerts. But my dear brother refused."

What was Morgana talking about?

Quickly Arthur stood up. 

"I.. It's probably better if I go now. . . " he said and wanted to leave the room.

Merlin also jumped up from his chair.

"STOP! Arthur Pendragon, don't you dare to go now. I want to know what Morgana is talking about." Merlin stared at Arthur. He would force the other man to stay in this room if necessary.

Helpless, Arthur looked at him. He seemed to struggle with himself. Merlin saw the exact moment when the other man made a decision.

He literally slumped down. Merlin had to suppress the impulse to comfort him.

"I love you, Merlin. I've always loved you, and I don't think that's ever gonna change. Even though I know that eight years have passed since then and that we have certainly both changed. Rejecting you back then was the biggest mistake of my life and I regretted it every single day since then." Arthur's voice was nothing more than a whisper, so Merlin was not sure that he had heard correctly.

It was exactly the conversation Merlin had dreamed about in his weakest moments. He couldn't believe this was really happening now. But of course, Arthur didn't mean it like that. For sure he wasn't talking about romantic love, was he? The look Arthur threw at him was raw and vulnerable and took Merlin's breath away. But how could that be? Arthur was straight. He had made that very clear eight years ago.

"Fuck, Arthur! You called me a faggot! And then you ignored me for the rest of the school year. How on earth can you say you've always loved me?" Merlin cried, anger in his voice.

"I never called you a faggot, Merlin. That's not true." Arthur disagreed looking really shocked.

"Oh, I remember your exact words. You said. I am not a faggot, Merlin. What are you thinking? That implies that you think I was a faggot. What else was I supposed to think? I fucking confessed my love to you and you called me a faggot. That was your answer, for fuck’s sake. Back then I knew that you wouldn't love me the way I loved you but I couldn't take it anymore. I've been in love with you for four years at that time. It just hurt too much to keep hearing you raving about some girl. I just wanted it to stop. Not the dating itself, but that you tell me about it. I was really stupid enough to think you'd at least like me enough to show some compassion. But all you did was make fun of me and then you pushed me away. Do you know how much that hurt? I had to leave. I couldn't stand it here anymore. You're the reason why I left England, and you're the reason I rarely come back. Because it still hurts too much. You've been my best friend since I was six. You were the person I trusted the most, damn it. I thought. . . I thought you would understand, even though I knew you didn't feel the same way.” Totally exhausted, Merlin fell back on his chair.

„Oh God, Merlin. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. You have no idea. There hasn’t been one single day where I didn’t regret what happened. Not one single day.” Arthur whispered, tears streaming down his cheeks.

Neither of them noticed Hunith and Morgana quietly leaving the dining room.

Merlin rubbed his eyes. He felt the beginning of a headache.

“Arthur, it’s been eight years. Eight years where you had enough time to talk to me. Jesus, you were even married. How can you say you always loved me when you were married to a woman? That doesn’t make any sense.”

“I… I know. Would you listen to me if I tried to explain? Please, I don't expect you to forgive me, Merlin, but let me explain.” Arthur begged.

Merlin wasn't sure if he wanted to hear Arthur's explanations. On the other hand, it might help him to finally get over Arthur.

“Okay. Explain it to me.”

Arthur nodded and took a deep breath.

“I.. when you confessed to me that you were in love with me, I was shocked at first. Not because I never thought myself that there could be more between us than just friendship. But because I sometimes had exactly the same thought. I never would have admitted that, though. I don't want to blame my father now, because I am the only one responsible for my terrible reaction. But still, the thought of my father's reaction kept me from admitting that I was bisexual for a long time.”

Arthur wasn’t looking at him. Nervous he played with his fingers.

Merlin was taken by surprise. Arthur was bisexual? And he had also thought about more than just friendship between them. And he loved Merlin. Maybe not just as a friend. And he was divorced. Merlin's head buzzed.

“What the fuck! Arthur. And it takes you eight fucking years and your sister to confess that to me?" Merlin couldn’t help the hurt in his voice.

If Morgana hadn't started this, he might never have found out about Arthur’s true feelings for him. 

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know I'm a coward. I.. “

And suddenly Merlin understood.

“You didn't say anything because of Uther, am I right?"

Merlin understood that Arthur was having a hard time telling his father about his bisexuality. Still, it made him angry. Uther died two years ago!

“Yeah, like I said, that was the reason for a long time. But not in the end. I confessed to my father a few months before his death why Gwen and I were getting a divorce.”

Arthur drove his hand through his hair and laughed briefly.

Merlin's rage was suddenly gone. Arthur had confessed to his father that he had feelings for him?

“You told him about me?” he asked.

“Yes. Do you know what he replied? He said he'd always known. He was always wondering what had happened between us. He also said that although he was never happy that I was attracted to men, he could accept it, that he could accept me.” Arthur explained.

Uther Pendragon knew and he didn't mind? Oh, God! Merlin needed a drink.

“Why did you never tell me. I get why you tried to ignore your feelings for me when you thought Uther wouldn’t approve. But why didn’t you tell me afterwards?” Merlin wanted to know.

“You were in a relationship with Will Kanen. How could I ever compare to someone like him? Of course, I didn’t tell you. And it was five years after I treated you so badly. Did you really expect me to just show up in your life and confess my feelings for you? You would have kicked me out immediately.” Arthur said looking at him with a sad face.

“Merlin, I know I fucked up badly. I know you might never forgive me. Fuck, I'll never forgive myself. But maybe we can at least try to build something like friendship. I miss you. I miss you like crazy. Please. I'm aware that you may not feel the way you did then, but maybe. . . “

Merlin was so confused and surprised and overwhelmed that his brain just refused to take it all in. And Merlin didn't even try to stop his body from taking control. So he allowed his feet to stand up by themselves and his upper body to lean across the table. He allowed his arms to stretch out to take Arthur's face in his hands and his lips to finally kiss Arthur.

A sob escaped Arthurs' throat and he was shaking all over.

”I am sorry, I am so sorry.” He repeated between their kisses.

The kisses were light as a feather, but Merlin still felt intoxicated.

“Shh, it's okay. Everything will be fine, Arthur. I promise.” Merlin tried to comfort Arthur while he caressed the other man's back.

“Please, don't ever leave me again, Merlin. Promise me. Please! Even if I screw up, promise me you won't leave.” Arthur begged desperately.

Merlin nodded and stroked his thumb tenderly over Arthur's cheeks to wipe away the tears that were constantly pouring out of his eyes.

“I promise. If you promise to never push me away again. “ Merlin whispered against Arthurs' mouth.

He knew that it wouldn’t get easy for them, that there would be a lot of talking and explaining. And it would be hard work to trust each other again, but Merlin was sure they would make it in the end. 

“I won’t, Merlin. I swear. I won't make this mistake again. Never! You mean everything to me.” Arthur declared and kissed Merlin again. This time the kiss was no longer light as a feather, but full of all the urgency and passion that had accumulated over the years.


End file.
